请帮助修改一篇英语作文!今天必定选择答案,改的好再加!

请帮助修改一篇英语作文!今天必定选择答案,改的好再加!
There is a fine tradition that the young should respect the elder in China.The tradition continues until now.But with the fast development of the society,some young people have no time to show their respect to their parents.Young people have their own social circles,and there are different ways of life from their parents.They prefer going out for a holiday to living together with their parents.I think young people need their own life and they shouldn’t ignore their parents’ life the same.
Nowadays young people need to face intense competition,they need to make more money to support their family.As a result,they have to make a difficult choice between playing out of doors and caring for their parents on holidays.Caring for parents is obligatory[ɔ'bligətəri]必须的,but I think young people should help their parents to look for their own life.
There is a generation gap between young people and their parents—different tastes,hobbies,ideas and so on.Young people don’t want to change their life-style and so do their parents.Most old people like live together with the people of similar age group,so young people can help their parent to organization a golden age club.Old generation have the same life-style,hobby,daily topic,and so on.The club can bring old people great joy and vitality [vai'tæliti]活力.Of course,young people can’t throw over elder to club and parents need children’s care after all.
作文的主题是：对当今青年在自己的生活安排和对父母的养育照顾之间的矛盾冲突的讨论.可以大篇幅的修改,改的好200分再加,今天就给!
每个人的修改我都会认真的看，虽然分只能给一个人，但是我绝对不会无视大家的劳动！
星辰云翔 改了几个我都觉得不错，但是我的作文就改这么一点儿吗？我觉得还有些表述像中国式的，只是我水平如此。专业一点，指出我作文中中国式的东西，动个刀子，改下，

There is a fine(old比较好,没有fine tradition一说) tradition that the young should respect（pay respect to比单一的respect要好） the elder（the elderly） in China（in China最好掉到old tradition后,这样比较顺）.The tradition continues until now（这一整句改成This moral has been preserved until now更好）.But with the fast（rapid） development of the society,some young people have no time to show their respect to（show respct for或者pay respect to） their parents.Young people have their own social circles,and there are different ways of life from their parents.（这一句改为：As the young have their own social circles,their life can be very different from their parents'） They prefer going out for（改为on）a holiday to living together with their parents（整句改为They preferto going out on holidays than staying together with their family.prefer doing to doing sth是对的但不常用）.I think young people need their own life and（改为but） they shouldn’t ignore their parents’ life the same（the same改为as well,整句话是个人观点,宜放在最前面或者最后总结,不应在此插入）.
Nowadays young people need to（need to 改为are forced to,不是他们自己愿意face的） face（the） intense（intensive,不是intense） competition,（And,此处少连词）they need to（have to,理由同上） make more money to support their family.As a result,they have to make a difficult choice between playing out of doors and caring for their parents on holidays（这句话是典型的Chinguish,改为：As a result,they have to get trapped in a dilemna between their social life and family relations）.Caring for parents is obligatory,but I think young people should help their parents to look for their own life(这句整句话是什么意思?我没看懂).
There is a eneration（这个不算generation gap吧?直接改为There lies a huge gap between...） gap between young people and their parents—different tastes,(distinctive) hobbies,(insimilar)ideas and so on.Young people don’t want to change their life-style(中间没有连字符) and so do their parents.Most old people like（to） live together with the people of similar age group,so young people can help their parent to organization（developo,rganization是名词,也不能直接译为organize） a golden age club（这个是直译过来的吗?应该是the elder's house,后面可以再加个同位语解释一下a place where the aged can enjoy themselves together）.Old generation have the same life-style,hobby,daily topic,and so on.(废话删掉!) The club can bring old people great joy and vitality [vai'tæliti]活力.Of course,young people can’t throw over （去掉over,这是什么词组啊）elder to club and parents need children’s care after all.
我这次有点太严了,总体而言,我觉得你的英语还是不错的,只是由于接触的native的东西不多,局限在Chinguish里了,假以时日,你的英语应该会更好的.